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Archive for the ‘judgement free zone’ Tag

Quick Thought 2019-03-31   Leave a comment

This morning I wanted to try a place for breakfast that would have taken almost an hour to walk to.  And then of course almost another hour walking back.  So instead I decided I’d just take an Uber.  When my driver arrived I hopped into the front seat and off we went.

She asked me how my day was going and I told her it was going great.  We then spent the 10 minute drive having a wonderful conversation.  I got out of the car and wished her a good day, with her stating she hoped I had one as well.  I then went in and had a great breakfast.  Of course on the way back I got another Uber, but this time it was a different driver.

He smiled politely as I entered the car but didn’t talk.  I asked him how his day was and he replied “Good, you?”  I said “good” and left it at that.  He gave the appearance of someone not wanting to talk a lot.  We drove quietly for the 10 minute ride back to the hotel.  As I got out he wished me a nice day, and I wished him one in return.

The first one was very nice and sociable.  Outgoing and chatty.  The second one was also nice, just not chatty.  And there’s nothing wrong with that.  He wasn’t rude because he didn’t talk or entertain me.  That isn’t his job.  His job is to get me from one location to the next.

It’s easy to view one as positive and one as negative because as humans we love to rate things. But there’s another way to handle it, and that’s to accept each person as they are.  No need to judge them at all, good or bad.

If someone is nice to you, be nice back.  If they want to chat, enjoy the conversation.  On the other hand if they don’t want to chat, just respect that enjoy the quiet.

But here’s the tough one.  What if they’re mean or rude?  Leave it at they’re behaving in a way you don’t want to interact with.  You don’t have to rate their behavior as bad.  You don’t have to rate them as bad.  You just have to decide what you want to do.  Which in that case may be to stop interacting with that person.

Why do it this way?  Because it reminds you that you’re in charge.  When you assign the label of bad to them you’re reacting to their behavior.  Because they were bad you don’t wish to associate with them.  Their action determined your behavior.  They were in charge.  When you decide to not associate with them without labeling them the decision is based off of you and your desires.  You’re in control of your life as you should be.

Let me know what you think.  Agree or disagree?  I hope you enjoyed this quick thought.  See you again soon.  Peace.

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Quick Thought   Leave a comment

I heard a phrase today that I haven’t heard in a really long time.  “Don’t judge a man unless you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.”  It’s a reminder that we shouldn’t judge another person unless we fully understand the life they’ve lived that has led them to make the decisions they have.

I think it would just be easier to say “Don’t judge a man” and leave it at that.  After all, why should we be in the business of judging others in the first place?  Even if you have a firm grasp of the life the person has led, and the factors involved in the decisions they’ve made, you’re still not that person. You’re still you.  Is there some reason why you need to stand in judgement of them?  Chances are the answer is no.

“Well if I were in their shoes….”  But you’re not in their shoes.  You have a perfectly good life of your own you could be running if you weren’t making judgements on theirs.  Every moment you spend meditating on the progress of someone else’s life is time you’ve squandered that could be used to create the best version of yourself.

So unless you already are the best version of yourself, choose to spend your time and your thoughts on you.  If someone comes along and asks for your advice on their life, sure, in that case feel free to give it.  Otherwise use your time for you, and let them be them.  Have a great day.